Hey BCW ....so the ants brought you back around eh
Stay longer this time around

BCW - it is good to hear from you. Glad the ants brought you back.

Yes, this thread has been surpassed by others, most noteably the Lone ranger Joke, but it is still my favorite.

I would just like to chime in here.

HEchimeRE

quote:

Originally posted by Dobby The House Elf:
I would just like to chime in here.

HEchimeRE

I checked this thread for that post

and it took you how long to get the joke?


ok....it took me about 10-15 seconds, and then i went.......oh....

quote:

Originally posted by starwolf1001:
and it took you how long to get the joke?


ok....it took me about 10-15 seconds, and then i went.......oh....

uhmm not quite as long as it took you

What joke?

dobby's chime

Right on!

You guys are pitiful! Grown men with nothing else to do except post in a thread about ants. Oh wait... nevermind.

If you put enough chocolate on them, ants aren't that bad!

quote:

If you put enough chocolate on them, ants aren't that bad!

I keep hearing this, but I'm not brave enough to personally test this claim. Futhermore, I'm not ashamed to admit that.

Since I don't have half a day to spend reading the entirety of this monster thread about monster little beasties, I will take the risk of repeating something previously stated.

I too do not appreciate the presence of any kind of ants in my home. On the whole, I don't mind too much as long as they respect my personal space. I also draw the line at them getting into my food. Especially without my knowledge. How is this possible, you ask? I too find it so extraordinary that I must relate the ongoing reign of terror that is but a small but significant part of some of the days of my life.

Imagine this. You think to yourself, "My, it would be nice if I had some saltines and peanut butter." So you proceed to the pantry and get the ingredients. Crackers. Check. Peanut butter. Check. Now get a butter knife, and plant yourself in your favorite peanut butter and cracker eating place. Mine is at the kitchen table. So, you line up a couple crackers, open the lid on the jar of peanut butter, get your knife and start slapping it on the crackers in between eating them. And you think, "Mmmm MMM! This is a little bit of heaven."

Now that your initial fervour has been satiated, you slow down a bit and really savour the experience. This is when you contemplate how deep you have to dig for the peanut butter, and get a little annoyed that it is almost empty, and there are streaks of strawberry jam in the jar. You contemplate the crumbs now scattered all over the nice placemat your wife finds so heartwarming to dress the table with. Then you contemplate that while crackers are almost disgusting to eat all by themselves, they're pretty good in tomato soup, and even better with peanut butter. Not quite as good as with margarine, but that'll do in a pinch.

Suddenly, you realize that crackers don't go well with ants at all!! The cracker you're currently chewing suddenly and explosively finds its way into the kitchen sink, and chased down with anything wet and handy, preferably water in large quantities.

After that horror, you now have the daunting task of turning around to face the horror sitting on the kitchen table. There sits your very recently enjoyable snack, now reduced to a terror you will quite possibly carry with you for your remainding days.

"Damn...might as well get on with it", you hiss through clenched teeth.

Despite the disgust crawling through your nerves, you still have what may be described as an unhealthy curiosity, and take a closer look at your formerly delicious snack. mainly the crackers.
Yes, there they are.
Ants.
How did I miss them?
My God, I actually ate some of those things!
Probably a lot of those things! They're literally almost covered....
B-hr-hrr-hrr

This unhealthy curiosity is, of course, there to help you deal with the next step in this nightmare. After all, you can't leave them on the table! Your wife would have fits if she were to discover ants and crackers and crumbs all over her nicely dressed table.

You contemplate the ants for another minute. My, no wonder I missed them, they're so small! And practically invisible- just about the same colour as the darker areas of the crackers. First things first- these things are going outside! You open the door, prop it open, open up the trash can...there- all set. Get one of those grocery bags- paper or plastic, whatever your preference is, and toss the crackers in the bag, the rest of the package too, and outside they go, into the can. Dang, there's a bunch crawling all over the table now too! Now you're in that ant killing mode- take no prisoners!! Everything that even remotely looks like an ant gets no mercy!! By golly, nothing will live to do this to you again! Before long, you're hallucinating, and every little speck looks like a creeping ant. Unfortunately, this lasts far longer than you like, and before long, you really get paranoid.

Only time will heal this.

So, there you are, the immediate threat has been disposed of. Now, due to this bout of paranoia, you feel the need to check the rest of your food supply. The very first thing to catch your eye is the remaining packages of crackers in the cracker box. You carefully lift one out of the box, hoping this bout of paranoia doesn't greatly affect your judgement and cause you to indiscriminately pitch everything out and replace the lot on principle alone.

Sure as little green apples, it is thoroughly infested with ants. Into the can it goes. The next package yields the same results. There's no point in denying it, the whole box, despite having four sealed packages of crackers within it, has been rendered totally and thoroughly digustingly garbage.

And your little slice of heaven has turned into a daunting tale of terror, turning a carefree soul into a shivering, paranoid wreck.

If there was ever any previous doubt, I hope you now fully realize the inherent terror that ants constantly subject us to.

I guess honey grasshopper cakes would be out of order?

grasshoppers spit

quote:

Originally posted by Silverback:
I guess honey grasshopper cakes would be out of order?

The honey sounds good.

The cakes sound good.

The grasshoppers?

They don't sound so good.

I admit I'm not brave enough to try those either.

But I'll bet they're better than ants!

Actually i thought the ants where better! I was surpised someone found a good use for ants!

BTW, the chocolate covered ants were an eating experience in grade school. The honey grasshopper cakes were served at an Indain Reservation which shall remained unnamed. I didn't know what I was eating until I looked down and saw one of the little fellers head sticking out were I had bitten last!LOL I thought at the time that they tasted better than they looked and ate the rest of the cake.

quote:

Originally posted by starwolf1001:
grasshoppers spit

Not after they have been cooked in a cake!

quote:

Originally posted by Silverback:

quote:

Originally posted by starwolf1001:
grasshoppers spit

Not after they have been cooked in a cake!

Good point!

I just went into my garden, to be greeted by 1000's of Large Flying ants EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

it is a VERY hot day here in Middle-England and I guess all the nests in the Ant hills are a'hatchin'.

I grabbed my cannister of Ant powder and went out shooting. My garden now looks like it's been snowing, but not an ant in site. That Showed em'

Only problem is, whenever I go ant hunting I ALWAYS have dreams that night about being attacked by ants

Kinda not looking forward to going to bed tonight. Now where did all those ants go????